I've Found a Love

Lord, I am reminded by Your unfailing love each and every day. Your mercies are new every morning. My soul makes its boast in You, my hope and joy is in You alone.

Fully to enjoy is to glorify. In commanding us to glorify Him, God is inviting us to enjoy Him -C.S. Lewis, Prayer of Praise

"When i call on Your name, You answer.
When i fall, You are there by my side.
You delivered me out of my darkness.
Now i stand in the hope of new life.

By grace, I'm free,
You've rescued me.
Now all i am is Yours.

I found a love, greater than life itself.
I found a hope stronger and nothing compares
I once was lost, now I'm alive in You.
I come alive in You.

You're my God and my firm Foundation.
It is You whom I'll trust at all times.
I give glory and praise, adoration
to my Savior who's seated on high."
-I've Found a Love

Scissors, Prayer & El Salvador

My dear friend, Lindsay Stadler shared with me a truly accurate representation of us (well, me in this case) giving God control. Her pastor used the analogy of his grandson holding a pair of scissors. When the pastor asked his two-year-old grandson to give him the scissors, the grandson put the scissors down. Right by his side, still within his reach. Do you get it?! A lot of times, when God asks us to give something up, to surrender something and give it over to Him, we don't comply. Or we're convinced we've given that thing, that situation, or that person "over to Him" when really, we have "put them down" right next to us, where they're still within our reach and able to be picked up again whenever we choose. As scissors are dangerous to a two year old who does not fully know about the sharp edges, how to handle and hold them, a lot of the things the Lord asks us to give up are dangerous to us and where our hearts are at. The things we hold onto inhibit us from trusting Him truly, letting go and letting God have it ALL. This image was right on; it matched my heart and what God has been calling me to do. I've been holding the scissors. They have cut me, deeper than i know. What I've held on to has wounded me. And though there have been times where I let it go, it's always been set right next to me. Within reach. Time to place it in My Father's hands. Time to lay it on the altar. Lindsay came over today and just prayed with me, in my favorite place at the U of M campus (by the river :P). She even brought a balloon over and i "let it go" :). What a sacred place - a place I've built my altar, a place where God has exchanged beauty for ashes and is creating in me a clean heart. Thank you GOD, for new life. And for dear friends like Linds.

"Even the weakest saint can experience the power of the deity of the Son of God, when he is willing to "let go." But any effort to "hang on" to the least bit of our own power will only diminish the life of Jesus in us. We have to keep letting go, and slowly, but surely, the great full life of God will invade us, penetrating every part. Then Jesus will have complete and effective dominion in us, and people will take notice that we have been with Him." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (April 12)

This weekend, I've really felt God calling me to examine how i pray and commune with Him. I love love LOVE to worship, to dance around my room and just feel His presence in music. Sometimes, I cry out and plead with Him, call out to Him, tell Him what's on my heart and the desires in which i hope in. But sitting in silence, in reverence, and just taking Him in is SO hard for me. I think if we all looked at our lifestyles, sitting in silence and BASKING in Him is a difficult concept to grasp for us busy bodies. But it is necessary and absolutely essential in coming to know Christ and His heart. When we sit in silence, when we truly DWELL and take the time to let all worries, concerns and preoccupations fall out of our heads, we are able to find His peace. Sometimes, i think we don't "hear" the Lord because we don't allow Him a time or place to speak. He knows what's on our heart, and in those moments when we sit in silence with Him, He is able to have His will. His way. He is able to bring us His overwhelming peace and truly do a work in us. I'm spending the next couple weeks focusing on a Centering Prayer: repeating one WORD about God or a phrase from scripture and whispering it for fifteen minutes or more, allowing God in (for example, peace, Jesus, Lover, Redeemer, Healer, and i chose Beloved). BAHHH it's so hard to make my brain just STOP sometimes. But i know prayer is a discipline and it will take time; it will truly be worth it to know Him more. I encourage YOU to take time to dwell in Him. In silence. Thank you, lovely mentor for lending me this handbook :)

In other news, tonight the El Salvador team met for the first time! Oh my goodness, I am so excited to see the Lord move - in each team member as we prepare for the trip, in uniting us as a team, and in the hearts of those we'll meet during our time in El Salvador and Guatemala. I'm leading the trip with Brie and Nathan - two amazing followers of the Lord, who are so passionate and welcoming. I CAN NOT WAIT! And the team - 16ish high schoolers just opened up and poured out in fellowship after minutes of knowing each other! Mmm God, you're doing a work in them, in each one of us. Prepare our hearts. Let us trust You will provide the funding and are paving the way. May we follow after You and seek Your glory alone. Mm, what joy this meeting has brought me. What a reassurance and a peace to my heart :) I'll definitely be keeping you guys posted - we leave in the middle of July! If you are interested in praying/giving/ANYTHING don't hesitate to contact me :)

What a night - a night of letting go, trusting in the Lord and marveling at His ways and works.

Hope

"Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise." -C.S. Lewis, Hope (from The Joyful Christian).

Lewis goes on to explain that the offerings of this world include the greatest marriage, the most beautiful sites and scenery, a job that is the perfect fit for you - the "best possible [things]". Even the greatest of these would leave us wanting more, hoping for more. Lewis emphasizes the importance of allowing our minds to be "occupied with heaven". For if our thoughts are focused on the hope of the next world, the everlasting and perfect after life spent in the presence of the Lord, our temporary lives here on earth will be lived more fully.

What are my hopes? What are my sincere hopes for something more, things that are not yet seen? As I meditated on the works of Lewis, paired with John Piper and Scripture, I dwelled on this thought. Introspectively, I hope for the day God will "wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away [Rev 21:4]". I long for the day the Lord will make all things new [Rev 21:5], the day He will create in me a clean heart. I ultimately long for a wholeness that can only come from a relationship with Jesus Christ. While i accept my present conditions, I hope for the day I am free from heartbreak, from sorrow, from pain.

I hope for a steadfast and unshakeable union - the lifelong journey a single wedding day celebrates. I hope for a love that goes so far beyond the white wedding dress, the flowers and that diamond ring. I want a love that wouldn't mind being celebrated in burlap sacks in the middle of the street with nothing but a string tied around my finger. Okay, yes, that is slightly exaggerated, but the love-everlasting is the love i hope for. Not the day. And for now, my heart is at a place where only the Lord can satiate this desire. It is Him, it is Him tying the string around my finger, clothing me in white. For isn't a marriage just that - a hope in and tiny piece of the most unconditional, perfect and everlasting source of Love that exists?

I hope for our eyes to look to heaven, for our hearts to find rest there, for our souls to find a passion and a longing to live for the day Hope comes to earth. I hope for chains to be broken, for the Spirit of the Lord to bring freedom, and for us to truly crave the single source of Hope. To know and follow hard after it.

What do you HOPE for? What are the things not yet seen that you HOPE to know? To see? To experience?

"Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience - and with joy (Romans 8:24-25). Therefore, "rejoice in hope!" (Romans 12:12). This will prove to be your strength in the Lord. " -John Piper, [Taste and See, 256].

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. - Romans 12:12

Wordless Thanksgiving...sort of

I love the idea of blog posts that are solely pictures - pictures i've taken, artistic shots, recent happenings, photos that bring me joy...the works. So, picture-only posts may come up more often. This 'wordless' post is full of the blessings and fun times i've captured in the past three weeks :). I had the honor of taking engagement pictures for a beautiful couple and brother and sister in Christ: Luke Olsen and his fiance Macai. I went to Hawaii with the family. I went on a night photo shoot with my dear friend Kelli. A quick overnight trip to spend some time with my cousin at St Bens. I spent some time with two beautiful ladies who have absolutely touched my heart - Emily and Kylie :).

But i would also like to post a prayer my counselor showed me on Friday that brought me to tears. It's so where i'm at, it's my plea and the prayer that God has been preparing me for. I hope it reaches anyone of you in a similar place, those of you in need of letting go of something :)

The Welcoming Prayer

(Gently become aware of your body and your interior state)

Welcome, welcome, welcome

I welcome everything that comes to me in thi moment

because i know it is for my healing.

I welome all thoughts, feelings, emotions,

persons, situations and conditions.

I let go of my desire for security.

I let go of my desire for approval.

I let go of my desire for control.

I let go of my desire to change any

situation, condition,

person, or myself.

I open to the

love and presence of God

and

the healing action and grace within.

-Mary Mrozowski (1925-1993)

The creator and spiritual mother of the welcoming prayer practice

Amazing Women and a Prayer of Gratitude

Thank You, thank You, thank You, Lord, for the women You have placed in my life during this sacred season. Brianna Millet. Liz Staszak. Heather Wydeven. Kristin Langlois. Becki Etzel. Jodi Buckentine. Rachel Tabalba. Lindsay Stadler. To name just a few You have blessed me with in the past 48 hours ALONE. You are good, You are good. You are my one and only. You know the depths of my heart, You know what's best for me and for Your kingdom.

You have delivered me, You have redeemed me, You have brought me to where I am here and now. It is You i ultimately seek. So i surrender any and all things on an altar to You. This is about YOU and YOU ALONE. Thank You for hearing me. Thank You for Your strength and for the clean heart You're creating in me. Thank You for affirming a love i've held on to, for affirming it's validity and for asking for me to lay it down once and for all. Thank YOU. I will strive to know Your joys in any and all.

My Everything

God, my God, in an instant You dry the bitter tears that flow out of a broken heart.

And in the next moment, Your power, Your love moves me to tears and I weep at Your feet.

You save me and You rescue me from flames of affliction;

yet You refine me in the flame, my faith more precious than gold to You.

In You, I am an heiress, I am clean, I can not be conquered. I am all of this while still a worthless sinner.

What love is this? How great are You, Lord. In my struggles, over my sorrows, You reign. In my pain, there You are. In my triumph, in my joy, when i seek You, when I turn away from You, You are there.

The Orchestrator. Valiant Ruler. Lover. Comforter. Good Shepard. Breath of Life. My everything.

In everything good and true.

You can not be shaken, Lord. You are the firm foundation. The true source of hope. I put my hope in You. I look to You and You alone. I fix my eyes upon You, do not let me waiver. It is You. It is You. My everything. The ruler of my heart.

"Our trust in Jesus grows as we shift from making self-concious efforts to be good to allowing ourselves to be loved as we are (not as we should be). The Holy Spirit moves us from the head to the heart, from intellectual cognition to experiential awareness. An inward stillness pervades our being, and the time of prayer is characterized by less rational reflection and speaking and more contemplative quiet and listening. Self absorption fades into self-forgetfulness, as we fix our gaze on the brightness of the Lord. In the words of Paul, "We are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him" (2 Cor. 3:18 The Message). -Brennan Manning [Ruthless Trust, 92-93]

So That We May Live...GOOD FRIDAY

"Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear the iniquities. Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong, because he poured out his soul to death and was numbered with the transgressors; yet he bore the sin of many, and makes intercession for the transgressors" -Isaiah 53 (11-12)

Mmm Good Friday. The day in which we reflect upon and glorify the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ our LORD. Today, I had the blessed opportunity to go to afternoon service at Hope Community church in Minneapolis with my beloved mentor, who is so passionate about the Lenten season. Several of the neighboring churches got together and put on the service - each congregation and pastor had a role in celebrating this blessed day. It was amazing. John Piper's prayer, the sermon, and the music truly uplifted the Lord and what He did for us. We spent the afternoon meditating and dwelling on the power of the cross, the beauty of Christ's death.

For those of us that have grown accustom to celebrating the Lenten season, I think this day often receives less attention than it deserves. Christ's death becomes something we accept as old news, almost, when it should be acknowledged, uplifted and rejoiced over. Not just today, but each and every day. This is what I've realized in my own heart, anyway. Jesus Christ's death on that hill in Calvary - the intense agony the Lord faced in preparing for His death, the bitter mockery of the crowd, and watching those He loved turn away from Him; the agony that caused Him to sweat drops of blood in Gethsemane as He asked the Lord, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as i will, but as you will (Matt 26:39). The extreme pain Jesus suffered as He was whipped, beaten, nailed to a cross, and left to hang and bleed until death. The tremendous hurt and grief inflicted upon Him, as Jesus Christ consumed all of our sins and transgressions - the perfect lamb became sin itself so that God Himself could no longer look upon His beloved son and was forced to turn away, pouring out all His wrath upon the sins Jesus bore. Our sins.

From death to new life - the great paradox of our Christian faith is exemplified, proclaimed and made known in Jesus' death. He did not only die FOR us, He TOOK OUR PLACE. He took the punishment we deserved as He held the world's sins on His shoulders. Oh my God, what LOVE is this?! On this day, Jesus became our true Savior - defying death and bringing us new life in HIM. He saved us from condemnation and freed us.

As a child, the gruesome image of Christ on the cross was intimidating and fearful. Yet now, as the Lord has grown and matured me, an image that once evoked fear CASTS out my fears. The image of my Jesus hanging on the cross brings me to my knees. Humbles me - while I was amongst the crowd that persecuted Jesus, my heart full of hate, Christ died for me. He. Died. For. Me. For. Us. Say that out loud, let it sink in. Through Christ's death, I am saved. We are saved. How can i not fall to my knees in awe, reverence and thanksgiving? That while i was still a sinner, Christ bore my sins, took God's wrath and has replaced the Law with GRACE, MERCY, and LOVE OVERFLOWING. He poured out His blood for us. That we might live.

My God, my God, what a world You love. May we glorify You, seek Your kingdom alone. In Your death, You gave us an identity. You called us to lay down our lives and take on YOUR CROSS. . Your death consumed our sin. And so, we have no choice but to take on Your cross - a cross that crushes our sinful nature and redeems us. We are redeemed; the old and rugged cross is now a symbol of hope, unfailing love and MERCY. Redemption.

Let us make our boasts in the Lord, in what He has done for us. It is by Him alone that we may live. It is by His death and resurrection that we are saved. His yoke, His cross is easy, His burden is light. Thank You, Lord, for hanging on that cross. Thank You for thinking of us -unworthy sinners- as You remained in agony and did not call upon God to save You. We are unworthy, You are the precious and perfect lamb. Humble us, God. Let us bask in Your presence, let us glorify Your greatness. Thank You, for being our intercessor. May Your power take our breath away. Thank You for defying death, for being the light in the darkness.

"Death is swallowed up in victory.

O death, where is your victory?

O death, where is your sting?"

-1 Corinthians 15:55

Let us celebrate the Lord's resurrection on Easter Sunday and always; and let us never forget, never underestimate the power and redemption His death brought.

"Upon that hill of Calvary, He came from heaven's throne.

Our fallen-ness and mercy meet, where blood and water flow.

What grace divine, what selflessness, that Christ would bear the weight.

Our proof is scarred on hands that bled, that we were worth every nail.

And all the praise and glory to God

We sing hallelujah, sing hallelujah

For the King has carried the cross,

He has risen from the grave.

Beyond the tomb to holy skies, He rose in victory.

And bridged for us the Great divide, His life is our liberty.

It's Your love, it's Your love, it's Your love that has saved me,

Your blood, it's Your blood Your blood that has claimed me"

-Hillsong