Relationships: Do NOT Settle

My heart breaks for the women in my life who have grown complacent in their relationships and have chosen to settle. Much too often do i hear a woman doubting that they really deserve more or falling further and further into the pit of despair, hopelessness and so called "love" with a guy that doesn't treat them right. Or won't fully commit. This ANGERS me, to be honest. Young women and women alike begin to lose hope in love or lose sight of true love as they convince themselves that the rut of a relationship they're in are as good as it gets. So, I am blogging about it. My voice is but one weak whisper, but paired with my passion for truth and justice to reign, I pray that it will reach the ears of those it was meant to. Bottom line, women, do NOT settle. Couple points:

1) Will he commit? And remain through better and worse?
What is the point of relationships if you do not see a potential future spouse in that person? Upon entering a relationship, if that man is not willing to commit to you FULLY, wavers when the going gets rough, cheats on you, takes advantage of you, talks down to you, abuses you, pushes your boundaries further and further back, is controlling, etc. it is not worth it. If a relationship is preparation for marriage, and the guy will not commit now, then any future together is bleak and unlikely. Do not allow your heart to develop so many ties to this person, so that you are left making up excuses for him treating you wrong or for his non-commital attitude. You are worth so much more. Which brings me to another point...

2) Do you know your self worth?
This may sound like a cliche question to some, but honestly i don't think many of us really do know how much we are worth. Women in relationships - Do you have an unsettling fear that you can't do any better? Do you find yourself trying so hard to make it work because you don't want to end up alone? Do you feel like you're not good enough - for anyone? That you're not pretty enough or too weak to be on your own? These are all lies. All heartwrenching, wicked LIES. You are worth so much more. You deserve true, whole, unconditional love. Even in your lowest of lows, at your worst - you deserve the greatest of Love. No matter your past mistakes, the guilt you hold on to - God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8) God sent His only son to cancel the weight of sin and grant us eternal life, because He LOVES us. So so so so deeply, that no one can comprehend. Lovely women in my life, there is NOTHING that separates us from God's love - neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor death, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us...(Romans 8:38) You are deeply loved, right where you're at, by a Savior so full of mercies, so faithful and so loving. He looks at us with unfathomable joy and calls us His own! "You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you" are the words that fall from His lips (Song of Songs 4:7). Cling to these truths - you are worth everything - someone that will lay their life down for you. You are worth so much more than abuse, than a non-commital guy, than someone who does not put you before himself DAILY, than someone who does not take up his own cross, who doesn't love God above anything else. "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces" (Matt 7:6) So the question is, have you settle for a dog or a pig that tramples you and convinces you you are worth nothing? If so, run. Run into the arms of someone who will never leave you or forsake you, who loves you and wants your absolute best. You are worth so much more. Don't ever question that.

3) Have you confused soul ties with love?
Sometimes, we mistake soul ties with true love. Souls ties often form when we cross lines with that person - be it physical intimacy, abuse, time poured into the relationship, spiritual/mental ties, etc. These soul ties restrain us and are so often confused with true love. I heard someone once say that "REAL LOVE will do WHATEVER it takes to lead you into life" (Luke Allison). Take a step back and examine your relationship. Is that relationship life-giving or life-sucking? Do you feel stuck? Do you feel like you are nothing without that person? Does that person take advantage of you, tell you what to think, push you, control you, thwart your biggest hopes and dreams? Does this person commit to you physically but refuse to do so relationally? Is this "love" leading you into life? If not, it's not love.

So here comes the hard part. If you've opened your eyes and realized your relationship is not life giving or that you've settled, it next step is difficult. But i beg you, do not remain in the complacency and familiarity because it's easier. Take that leap of faith and stand up for who you are and what you deserve. End that relationship, and stick with your decision. It's going to be a fight, sorting through those soul ties that may have formed or allowing your heart to truly heal and recognize you deserve more. It's going to take time, and you may take three steps foward and slip back a couple countless times. But take that step - out of death, out of a damaging relationship and into LIFE, into Him. Find WOMEN that will encourage you and support you and uphold you and stand by you. Do not try to fill that void with another relationship or other transient things. You may protest and say i don't understand or that this relationship is different. Women, we were created to be helpmates - encouragers, uplifters. But do not be convinced that it is your job to fix or change someone. This will get you nowhere. Please take that step into LIFE and away from the 'man', the lies, the life that enslaves you. I promise you, if you trust that God has a better future and a better LOVE in store for you, He will not leave you hanging. He is faithful and will show you your self worth - if You let Him. He will provide - if you let Him. He will heal your brokenness, sever any soul ties, in His timing - if You are patient in the time of waiting and let Him. I beg you - LET HIM.



Books to Check out:
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard
Crazy Love by Francis Chan


Brothers and Sisters in Christ: Check out this website: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/trial/marriage-and-men

Transformations

After hours spent tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep last night, I stopped fighting it and spent time reflecting on this thought - Our whole journey in faith is one giant transformation. Check it: And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. - 2 Corinthians 3:18 We are being transformed. From one degree of glory to the next. So, when the veil is initially removed and our eyes are opened to the wonders and works of God, this is one degree of glory. When we have a desire to seek God through anything, this is one degree of glory. When we are learning what it means to leave our old ways behind and follow after the Lord, another still. As we walk through trials and tribulations, in and out of season, we experience further transformation as we learn to cling to God and turn to Him no matter what lies before us. So often, we do not turn to the Lord for guidance or refuse to let Him enter in to certain areas of our lives. Still, in these moments we are being transformed. When the Bible calls us to "be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48) this is the final degree of our transformation. There is no way to attain this degree of perfection on our own - it requires sanctification with our Lord, so that He may lead us into perfection. While this final degree may not happen until He returns, we are called to work towards perfection in Him. Sometimes, we may take the matter of our own transformations into our own hands. This is when we fail to acknowledge the Lord as THE crucial part in our transformations, begin to think we can do it without Him. When we take transformation into our own hands, we often adopt the minds of the Pharisees and find refuge in our religious ways and preconceived ideas of who the Lord is. We begin to revel in our self righteousness and lose sight of how much we need the Lord. If and when we arrive at this point, we are at the mercy of the Lord and experience transformation as He tears down our preconceived notions and throws them out the window, reminding us of His power and how truly weak we are without Him.

Transformation. I have experienced more transformation in this past year and a half than in my entire life combined. Thanks be to God for the trials, the people, the situations, the losses He placed in my life so that the transformation process could continue. Truly. Though i am far from perfect, He has become this fiery passion within me - greater than life itself. And this is something i crave to share, as others enter into or continue to walk through their own transformation processes. As we draw close to God, He draws close to us. It takes us stepping out first, opening ourselves up to the One who brings transformation.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you -Matthew 6:14

Is it just me, or is forgiveness is one of the hardest things we are called to do? ESPECIALLY when we have been cut deeply, hurt over and over again and/or are the ones that have been wronged. While God has forgiven us for our sinful nature - cancelled all of our sins through the death of Jesus, the spotless lamb and most perfect sacrifice - He calls us to forgive just the same. Forgiveness is a choice: at times, the person who has wronged you isn't going to ask you to forgive them. The act of forgiving, though difficult, brings so much freedom. When you release the anger, hard feelings, grudges, etc. toward that person and place it in the Lord's hands, freedom comes to both parties. Forgiving someone doesn't always mean letting them back in to your life in the same magnitude as they were before, or even at all. But it does mean that any feelings of resentment or anger have been released, through the act of forgiveness. In forgiving someone, you may be left with anger, frustration, and/or hurt, and that is okay. Sometimes, this is part of releasing and the healing process. But in the act of forgiving, you are no longer ruled by anger towards that person, your life is no longer run by your frustrations and hard feelings for that person. Basically, in forgiving someone you release them to the Lord and drop any charges you have against them.

As you may know (and/or have read), this past year and a half of my life has been full of many changes, painful pruning and new direction. About a year ago, i feel into a period of grieving, darkness and loss. Now, standing on the other side of that darkness in the marvelous light, and being able to be a witness to the Lord's faithfulness in that time, I have deeper understanding of that season. The Lord is my rock, my refuge, my savior, my beloved, my healer...and His mercies and faithfulness never cease. My relationship with Him is my first priority and i can now claim Him as my everything. It took walking through that season of darkness and loss to come to this place of intimate relationship with my Savior and King. How does this relate to forgiveness? During this time, God allowed the two people i was closest to to fade out of my life. One seemed to be ripped out of my life while the other sort of faded away as I was consumed by darkness and she felt abandoned and hurt.

While the two relationships and the aftermath have looked entirely different, it took forgiving them both and waiting for their forgiveness for reconciliation to come. And that reconciliation has happened with BOTH relationships in the past two weeks. God is faithful, right? In one relationship, I had forgiven him straight from the get go. But it took releasing him, waiting on the Lord and allowing healing and forgiveness to come on God's timing. Yes, i had fought and fought and carried a burden for the longest time, feeling like i needed to show and guide this brother in Christ, out of the love i had for him, into that place where he was able to forgive and receive healing. But the BIGGEST thing i've come to realize, in this relationship, is the humbling fact that the Lord doesn't need me to work. AMEN. And in forgiving and waiting for forgiveness in return, I have learned that forgiveness and reconciliation often requires WAITING on the Lord and trusting Him through it all.
The second relationship, the one that sort of faded away, was different. In this situation, my dear friend felt wronged and abandoned as i was enveloped in my season of darkness. This, too, took WAITING on the Lord. I know i had hurt her, but i couldn't jump back into the relationship for fear of hurting her again. In this situation, it took time for HER to forgive me and feel ready to put herself out there again. In this situation, I was called to step out and initiate something. And let me tell you, before meeting with this dear friend last night (for the first time in literally 6 months or more) i was sweating profusely...and kind of felt like i was going on a first date ;).

During this past week, in spending time with these two people that had once been key people in my life, I've realized that while the three of our lives have changed - we've grown, we've matured, journeyed further into our careers and passions (or different ones), experienced changes in our family, life, etc. - the relationship and deep care i have for both of these people still remain. With my dear friend, it felt like she and i picked up where we had left off - which was SUCH a blessing. And so, first and foremost, thanks be to GOD for bringing forgiveness and reconciliation in His time.

My prayerful advice to all of you, brothers and sisters, is that you do NOT delay in forgiving those that have hurt you or ASKING for forgiveness. Forgive them, in this very moment. Do not hesitate, do not protest, just forgive. It says in Matthew 5:23, "if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. FIRST be reconciled to your brother..." Do not delay in forgiving, for it will bring you true freedom. Then, the next step involves WAITING on the Lord. Be patient and wait for Him to act, as the Psalms so often remind us. Give it to God and let Him handle it. For surely, His ways are mightier than ours, His plans are more beautiful.

Friends, find true freedom in forgiveness. I pray we crave reconciliation with each other and allow our relationships to mirror the astounding act of forgiveness that God revealed in sending us His only son.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.-Colossians 3:13

You Are My Passion

Check out the lyrics and the song below: You are My Passion by Jesus Culture :)

"I'm alive to bring glory to YOU, King
God of VICTORY, You are my PASSION.
It's in the way You are, You don't change at all,
Great and humble God, You are my PASSION.

My strength in life is I am YOURS
My soul delights, because i am YOURS..."

The Lord gives us victory. Freedom. He fuels our passions - shapes them, uses them for HIS glory!!!! Find hope in that, dear friends!

"Your WILL on EARTH is ALL i'm living for

Jesus, I glorify; Jesus, my love is YOURS
You are my heart's desire; I live to KNOW YOU more"

Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; our heart’s desire is to glorify your name. -Isaiah 26:8

"Light that breaks the darkness, showing what true love is
Always full of GOODNESS, You are my passion.
You never do me wrong, the meekest Man, but strong
The most perfect song, You are my passion."

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can NEVER extinguish it - John 1:5

God is good. He is good, He is good, He is good. May you find strength in Him, passion FOR Him.

Psalms :)

My prayer, my worship, my plea, my thanksgiving to the Lord, through a conglomeration of some Psalms




Come and listen, all you who fear God, and i will tell you what he did for me (66:16):

Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how i praise you! (63:3) O Lord, your UNFAILING LOVE fills the earth;teach me your decrees (119:64) Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Let your mercy come to me, that i may live; for your law is my delight (119:76-77) Let your unfailing love rest upon us (33:22) Take DELIGHT in the Lord, and He will give you your hearts desire (37:4) Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions (119:18) Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me LIFE in your ways (119:37) Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path (119:105) You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees(119:68) Your laws are my treasure; they are my heart's delight (119:111)My suffering was good to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees (119:71) Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning (30:5) The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right (84:11) Let all that i am wait quietly before God, for my HOPE is in him (62:5) Be still and know that HE IS GOD (46:10) Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait PATIENTLY for him to act (37:7)Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me (119:133) He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as i walked along (40:2) The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life" (32:8) You are my hiding place and my shield; I HOPE in your word (119:114) How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! (139:17) Seek His presence continually (105:4) You have turned my mourning into JOYFUL dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with JOY (30:11) My soul makes its boast in the Lord (34:2) Let all that i am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise is holy name (103:1)

The Tunnel

This image and analogy came to mind yesterday, as I headed up to St Joseph to visit my cousin and some friends. As i drove through this tunnel, I realized the past year and a half can be summed up by this momentary time in the tunnel.

As I approached the figurative tunnel over a year ago, I refrained and fought with all my strength to avoid going through it. After losing my strength to fight, I reluctantly stepped into the darkness. I spent the first steps into the tunnel looking backwards, focusing on the light evading me. Darkness enveloped me, and i began to walk through the tunnel. I wasn't sure how long the tunnel spanned, so i continued to walk. The light behind me was a mere dot on the horizon. I craved to see the light, but kept walking through the tunnel. Soon, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I accepted the very journey i ventured on. Before I knew it, light flooded into the dark tunnel and i had reached the end. Though the light was the same light on the previous side, it seemed much brighter, to eyes that had adjusted to the darkness. I was in awe of the Light, so taken by it's majesty and magnitude... i wanted to follow after it more than ever.


***

When God allows us to walk through the darkness, may we never doubt His plans for us. Though we may not see beyond the darkness, He can. In times of Light and joy and fruitfulness, may we stand in awe of Him. In times of darkness, despair, loss, and the unknown, may we accept the 'tunnel' we're in and be encouraged, knowing the light will be SO much brighter on the other side :)

Wordless Thanksgiving III

Find rest, O my soul, in God ALONE;
my HOPE comes from Him.
-Psalm 62:5