My dreams are changing:
From neatly packaged visions, wrapped tightly in perfect bows
to boxes ripped open - wrapping paper torn to shreds and tissue paper scattered everywhere.
Had my dreams for my future been in charge,
Seminary sure wouldn't have been in the cards. Youth ministry/marriage and family therapy? Probably not. A photography business? DEFINITELY not.
Point being: My dreams have changed. And continue to do so. Up until recently, my dream for the future included getting married young, starting a family, being an elementary school teacher living in a comfortable home. Now? Apparently, marriage is further from my mind than i thought...or maybe it will take just the right guy to come along and awaken that dream again? Who knows. What i DO know is i've been given a wonderful opportunity for more education - one that encourages me in and grows me spiritually. This mixed with a wonderful church family and community, an amazing internship, a caring family and so much more - life is GOOD. God is good. And thank the Lord His plans are so much greater than i could ever fathom.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
While i should be working on the homework i've allowed to pile up, I can't help but be swept up in an unshakeable peace. A little over a year ago, I was at my lowest of lows. This one horridly painful night I will never forget - grief had overtaken me and i remember choosing to wallow in my anger and self-loathing over God. I literally turned away from Him, and went so far as to curse Him for allowing me to experience such heartbreak. How far He has taken me in this past year. How much He has redeemed me, poured out His love and blessings over me, looked at me with favor. Don't get me wrong - it sure wasn't smooth sailing immediately following this particular night. But the more room I gave God to move in my life, the more He awakened my desire for Him, the more He was able to restore. It was in this painful season I realized we were never meant to do life alone.
Now, here is where my mind is blown. On the one year anniversary of this painful night, guess where i was? I was with my middle school ladies at a church retreat for the weekend. And on this very night, I watched the Prayer Walk i had spent time planning and praying about in my internship come to life. As I helped lead a station centered around forgiveness and being washed clean, my heart was so uplifted as i watched hundreds of young woman spend time before the Lord. This image will forever give me goosebumps.
To see how far God has grown me and to watch Him become Lord in my life more and more each day even in this past YEAR alone is evidence of His beautiful restoration and plans for our lives. My God, it took walking through darkness and despair for me to truly rejoice over the vibrance and richness the next season held. I am so grateful for the opportunity to go to Seminary, to be a part of Substance church, to be able to watch God move in the middle and high school students at Hosanna!
The word to describe this season is grace. It is by grace we have been saved (Eph 2), His grace is freely given. His grace is what pulled me through, His grace is what redeems and saves me from a sinful nature each day. How evident His grace is.