Forgiveness and Reconciliation

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you -Matthew 6:14

Is it just me, or is forgiveness is one of the hardest things we are called to do? ESPECIALLY when we have been cut deeply, hurt over and over again and/or are the ones that have been wronged. While God has forgiven us for our sinful nature - cancelled all of our sins through the death of Jesus, the spotless lamb and most perfect sacrifice - He calls us to forgive just the same. Forgiveness is a choice: at times, the person who has wronged you isn't going to ask you to forgive them. The act of forgiving, though difficult, brings so much freedom. When you release the anger, hard feelings, grudges, etc. toward that person and place it in the Lord's hands, freedom comes to both parties. Forgiving someone doesn't always mean letting them back in to your life in the same magnitude as they were before, or even at all. But it does mean that any feelings of resentment or anger have been released, through the act of forgiveness. In forgiving someone, you may be left with anger, frustration, and/or hurt, and that is okay. Sometimes, this is part of releasing and the healing process. But in the act of forgiving, you are no longer ruled by anger towards that person, your life is no longer run by your frustrations and hard feelings for that person. Basically, in forgiving someone you release them to the Lord and drop any charges you have against them.

As you may know (and/or have read), this past year and a half of my life has been full of many changes, painful pruning and new direction. About a year ago, i feel into a period of grieving, darkness and loss. Now, standing on the other side of that darkness in the marvelous light, and being able to be a witness to the Lord's faithfulness in that time, I have deeper understanding of that season. The Lord is my rock, my refuge, my savior, my beloved, my healer...and His mercies and faithfulness never cease. My relationship with Him is my first priority and i can now claim Him as my everything. It took walking through that season of darkness and loss to come to this place of intimate relationship with my Savior and King. How does this relate to forgiveness? During this time, God allowed the two people i was closest to to fade out of my life. One seemed to be ripped out of my life while the other sort of faded away as I was consumed by darkness and she felt abandoned and hurt.

While the two relationships and the aftermath have looked entirely different, it took forgiving them both and waiting for their forgiveness for reconciliation to come. And that reconciliation has happened with BOTH relationships in the past two weeks. God is faithful, right? In one relationship, I had forgiven him straight from the get go. But it took releasing him, waiting on the Lord and allowing healing and forgiveness to come on God's timing. Yes, i had fought and fought and carried a burden for the longest time, feeling like i needed to show and guide this brother in Christ, out of the love i had for him, into that place where he was able to forgive and receive healing. But the BIGGEST thing i've come to realize, in this relationship, is the humbling fact that the Lord doesn't need me to work. AMEN. And in forgiving and waiting for forgiveness in return, I have learned that forgiveness and reconciliation often requires WAITING on the Lord and trusting Him through it all.
The second relationship, the one that sort of faded away, was different. In this situation, my dear friend felt wronged and abandoned as i was enveloped in my season of darkness. This, too, took WAITING on the Lord. I know i had hurt her, but i couldn't jump back into the relationship for fear of hurting her again. In this situation, it took time for HER to forgive me and feel ready to put herself out there again. In this situation, I was called to step out and initiate something. And let me tell you, before meeting with this dear friend last night (for the first time in literally 6 months or more) i was sweating profusely...and kind of felt like i was going on a first date ;).

During this past week, in spending time with these two people that had once been key people in my life, I've realized that while the three of our lives have changed - we've grown, we've matured, journeyed further into our careers and passions (or different ones), experienced changes in our family, life, etc. - the relationship and deep care i have for both of these people still remain. With my dear friend, it felt like she and i picked up where we had left off - which was SUCH a blessing. And so, first and foremost, thanks be to GOD for bringing forgiveness and reconciliation in His time.

My prayerful advice to all of you, brothers and sisters, is that you do NOT delay in forgiving those that have hurt you or ASKING for forgiveness. Forgive them, in this very moment. Do not hesitate, do not protest, just forgive. It says in Matthew 5:23, "if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. FIRST be reconciled to your brother..." Do not delay in forgiving, for it will bring you true freedom. Then, the next step involves WAITING on the Lord. Be patient and wait for Him to act, as the Psalms so often remind us. Give it to God and let Him handle it. For surely, His ways are mightier than ours, His plans are more beautiful.

Friends, find true freedom in forgiveness. I pray we crave reconciliation with each other and allow our relationships to mirror the astounding act of forgiveness that God revealed in sending us His only son.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.-Colossians 3:13