I feel like it's time to read my favorite book again (Hinds' Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard). As i was going through the book, revisiting chapters that i had underlined or starred, i came across parts that really shook me. The chapter i'm having most trouble with, is when the main character asks the Lord to remove something that had been so rooted in her heart. Something she had tried and tried to rip out on her own, but to no avail. Her desire was so much stronger than her own strength. I truly recommend this book. Oh gosh, how i see myself STILL on this journey to the high places. But before I can truly find my way there, the Lord has so many more places to bring me - through the desert, the shores of loneliness, the forrest, and many other seasons meant to refine and strengthen me. I'm not going to write anymore, but instead share with you an excerpt from this book, the prayer i am so scared to pray. Lord, my confidence is wavering. I have obeyed You, I have walked with You, and still You have allowed this pain, a darkness to surround me. I trust You can break it. May this be the prayer of my heart, and the hearts of those holding on to something out of fear, resilience, or as one last foothold of freewill:
"I am a very great coward. I am afraid that the pain may cause me to try to resist you. Will you bind me to the altar in some way so that i cannot move? I would not like to be found struggling while the will of my Lord is done." ....
Still there was silence, a silence as of the grave, for indeed she was in the grave of her own hopes and still without the promised hinds' feet, still outside the High Places with even the promise to be laid down on the altar. This was the place to which the long, heartbreaking journey had led her. Yet just once more before she laid it down on the altar, Much-Afraid repeated the glorious promise which had been the cause of her starting for the High Places. "The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet and he will make me to talk up on mine High Places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments" (Hab 3:19).
The priest put forth a hand of steel, right into her heart. There was a sound of rending and tearing, and the human love, with all it's myriad rootlets and fibers, came forth.
He held it for a moment and then said, "Yes, it was ripe for removal, the time had come. There is not a rootlet torn or missing."
When he had said this he cast it down on the altar and spread his hands above it. There came a flash of fire which seemed to rend the altar; after that, nothing but ashes remained, either of the love itself, which had been so deeply planted in her heart, or of the suffering and sorrow which had been her companions on that long, strange journey. A sense of utter, overwhelming rest and peace engulfed Much-Afraid." [Hurnard, 199-201].
I read the child's version of Hinds Feet in High Places as a kid! Great book.
ReplyDelete~Kendra
As tough as things get, always remember that God has a plan so much bigger than our own. Like you said, he is strengthening and refining you. It is great that He has revealed to you the purpose of your desert time and your current struggles. It is so good that you see hope in this; hope that will deepen your relationship with Christ and that will allow you to Glorify our Lord. Aren't we incredibly lucky to even be able to lay all of our burdens at the foot of the cross??
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you are enduring this incredibly long trial and that you are continually trusting in the Lord's plan for you. I am so thankful that you see the light in all of the darkness that is currently surrounding you.
Love you dear friend :)
Yes, I've read this book many times too. Each time I see myself further along, but not since the recent mastectomy, do I see myself at this point, my surgeon said almost the same words when she examined the tumor -'The priest put forth a hand of steel, right into her heart. There was a sound of rending and tearing, and the human love, with all it's myriad rootlets and fibers, came forth.'
ReplyDeleteHe held it for a moment and then said, "Yes, it was ripe for removal, the time had come. There is not a rootlet torn or missing."