I sense His relentless pursuing. If i take even the tiniest step towards Him, do i feel this heart of stone begin to crack and crumble under the weight of His glorious presence. He surrounds me with blessings, He's pouring out His love. So why, why hasn't the joy of thy salvation been restored to me? Why do i remain in this deplorable state?
I'm not quite sure what to write about, but i feel as though right now, even amongst this, beholding my Beloved is exactly what i need. Today, I was especially anxious and cranky. I felt the walls I had so furiously constructed begin to tremble. I was on the point of breaking. As i drove back to Lakeville, dreading falling apart, i came across 95.3, a worship station. At the very moment i landed on the channel, Psalm 112 was being read: "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear..." This has been a verse i have turned to quite a bit in the past few months. I remember how deeply it shook my friend Kim and I at a church service this summer - the Lord calling us to be steadfast and fixed on Him. As if that wasn't enough of the Lord's pursuing, they played a song immediately after: No Not One by Christy Nockels. I had never heard this song before, but the beautiful cry of the violin and the simple, yet powerful words broke me down. Oh, Lord, my God, how You care so deeply. How You love, How you speak and move us, if only we open our eyes and acknowledge Your inner workings, Your miracles, Your hand.
I went for a run today, too. Finally, the pain in my right foot has lessened, and is almost completely gone! Thank the Lord. I felt a little discouraged, as the icy sidewalks were treacherous and made is super hard to run! I walked over half the way, and realized how much more training i have in order to meet my goal! What a lesson in discipline. As i ran, i think i stepped in about a bajillion puddles - my feet were soaked at the end. What a release. I laughed out loud a couple times, slipping and sliding, occasionally breaking through areas with thin ice - i love that sound of shattering ice! So great.
I went to the Rock Church and am now at home, ready to go to bed and head up to St Bens tomorrow. Lord, how i so desperately need You - Your sovereignty and justice to reign in my life. I ask for healing - I am tired of being crippled by my own pain, when there are so many carrying far heavier burdens, dealing with numbing pain and not knowing You and Your true, unfailing, glorious Love.
"No better word, then from Your lips.
No perfect life, than what You lived.
No greater gift, no not one.
And no one has ever known,
this kind of love You've shown.
There has never been a greater love,
than Your son,
no, not one.
And there will never be a name above,
No, not one.
And with His life, You have forgiven us,
Hope has come, Hope has come
And there will never be a greater love,
No, not one"
No comments:
Post a Comment