Confessions of an Overthinker

I have a confession. Okay, ready? I tend to overthink things. A lot. It's no secret and i'm not alone. But i've always found it to be more of a curse than a gift. You know? I read into things that are supposed to be taken at face value. I think of eight bajillion potential meanings to something simple or spend too much time dwelling on something. Often, after an argument, i'll bring up the argument hours later, after a resolution has been met or the argument has been settled - i keep thinking about it over and over with new perspectives and finally realizing my faults. So, while overthinking often gets the best of me, i realized today i am grateful for it. In some cases. Driving back to my apartment after a weekend of working at home, I realized my desire to pull apart songs and study lyrics, and my passion for reading and writing derive from overanalyzing, thinking and rethinking and going over the song/book/line/what have you over and over and over until i get the most meaning i can out of it.

So, because i overthink things, and didn't want to overthink today, i decided to distract myself by working this weekend - three shifts over the course of a day and a half. At Applebees, my thoughts, concerns and overthinking have to be cast aside in order to think about the customers. I am constantly on the go. Today, a day that had been looming above my head became just an average day - a double shift at work, twinged with a bit of heartache, but surrounded by love, encouragement, an eventful weekend and the Lord's promises. Friday, i got to go wedding dress shopping with Jodi, grab dinner with my momma, and check out a dearly-missed friend and his band. Saturday, i got to eat one of my favorite breakfasts - CREPES - with my parents, do some homework, and see Emily Scinto, a very talented actress perform in Snow White! I got to go with Eva, another girl from Hosanna, and some other friends :). After the play, i headed to work and spent the rest of the night doing homework. And today, Sunday, i pulled a double at work, did homework in between, ate a lot a lot of conversation hearts and sugary stuff, and had a midnight feast with my roomies! God is good. He has me right where He wants me. Truly, can't i rest in that? He has blessed me beyond measures, even with this season.

Miss Emily Scinto - Snow White :)

E-e-eeva and I :)

AMAZING JOB, EM! ...and Kyle creepin.

To end this random post/weekend update, I would like to share some of the sources i've recently found joy in overthinking:

1) My Utmost for His Highest: Oswald Chambers (Feb 11, 2010). So, get this. After a rough, rough last Saturday and a downward spiral, the Lord spoke to me through this devotion. Oh my goodness, is He astounding. Chambers' focal verse is Isaiah 26:3: You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You". Over the holidays, this verse had brought me so much peace and reassurance, and the Lord revealed it to me once again! You'll have to read the devotion for yourselves in order for the next part to make sense. Trust me it's good. And worth it - click here. Over the past week, i had starved my mind and spend little time dwelling in the Lord. I began to lean on my own understanding, as busyness consumed me and i pushed that dire time with God to the side. Second thing - the inclusion of 2 Corinthians 10:5, a verse about bringing all of our thoughts captive before the Lord; letting Him know our thoughts and laying them down before Him. My mentor pointed out this verse months back, and continually refers to the importance of this, especially for overthinkers ;). Third thing, a specific line: "[If you bring your thoughts before the Lord], You will begin to see that your thoughts are from God as well, and your mind will no longer be at the mercy of your impulsive thinking, but will always be used in service to God" [Chambers]. I. AM. AN. IMPULSIVE. THINKER. Like overthinking things, my impulsivity gets me in trouble. Again, another slip up and reason for Saturday's brokenness. By bringing my thoughts before the Lord, by meeting with Him and asking Him to take my thoughts captive, being impulsive will no longer be an issue.

After reading this, my mouth literally dropped. It was so dead on with where i was at and what i needed to hear - GO GOD! Oswald Chambers is the man! I underlined and highlighted and scribbled notes all over this day's devotion, then copied it and brought it around all week!

2) Shane and Shane, Everything is Different. I listen to this song over and over and over again. The lyrics mostly comes from Isaiah 61 - a verse that has brought so much peace and reassurance lately. I've overthought this song and spent a lot of time reading over the verses in Isaiah, but different lines stick out to me at different times. Check it out for yourself. This is the best version i could find on youtube, but the regular recording is even better. The whole entire CD (Everything is Different) is worth purchasing. Check it out. Be an overthinker. Read the lyrics of the song. Dig into the scripture. Dare you to write/comment what sticks out to you, if anything. It'd be greatly appreciated :).

Isaiah 61: 3, 10-11

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,

a joyous blessing instead of mourning,

festive praise instead of despair.

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks

that the Lord planted for his own glory...

I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God!

For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation

and draped me in a robe of righteousness.

I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit

or a bride with her jewels.

The Sovereign Lord will show his justice

to the nations around thew world.

Everyone will praise Him!

His rigteousness will be like a garden in early spring,

with plants springing up everywhere!

You turn ashes into beauty,

You are for me not against me now,

You found me somehow.

You turn mourning into dancing,

You turn weeping into a joyful noise!

Oh, rejoice.

I was dead in my sin, You came in.

You made a way when there was no way.

You covered heaviness with garments of praise

You wrote a song and You're singing it over me.

I feel a dead heart beating now

This revelation makes me want to shout:

That Jesus has been sent

and everything is different.

What matter of love?

That you would call us sons and daughters,

we cry Abba Father, Hallelujah!

I will never be the same!

-Shane and Shane