The Beauty of Brokenness

From the darkness of death dawns new life. From the dry, barren desert do rivers and riches eventually form and flow. From a broken and aching heart does reparation lead to restoration and ultimate healing. For isn't this essence of who God is? The one who sent His son to conquer death and bring new life? The one who gives a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. -Isaiah 41:3 The one who truly gives and takes away? Reforms, restructures, refines, repairs.

So here I stand. Reminded more and more of the beauty of death. The lovely hope found amongst brokenness. I have this...reputation, if you will, of being open. Vulnerable, willing to tell you about my life and my journey the moment you meet me. Jodi and Sarah, two of my dearest friends, have been the ones to most recently point this out to me. And while they laugh and find it boarderline crazy (haha), I have found a peace and a hope through sharing my own brokenness and current state. Though it may be a little much at times, i sense that being vulnerable is right were God wants me. If you have known me for more than a...day, you probably know at least a little of where i'm at. I am so so so in AWE of what the Lord is doing as i admit to my brokenness. As i own my brokenness, my shortcomings, my weakness, in a public forum, even, has the Lord placed people in my life that have encouraged me through the sharing of their own brokenness and their overwhelming victories! Just yesterday, i received an inbox message from a beautiful woman i have only met a couple times at church, sharing her heart and what the Lord has done! How much hope did this message give me! A few months ago, at the lowest of lows, I met my dear friend/soul sister, Lindsay. She had felt a similar calling to let go, experienced the pain of letting go at a similar time, and shared with me her heart and a book that pointed even more to God's purpose in this painful journey (Hinds' Feet on High Places, Hannah Hurnard). My sweet cousin, Lindsey, my dear friend Kim, my mentors Kelly and Brianna, a few married couples (Brenton and Cristy, Ria and Josh), an old youth pastor, Dex, an amazing amazing senior/fellow Avatar lover, Bailey ;), and my Rock brothers and sisters are just some of the amazing people who God has blessed me with. Through the sharing of their own heartbreaks, hope, and encouragement.

While my openness may seem out of place, at times, or a little too personal, I have seen the beauty that comes from sharing and owning our brokenness. Truly, through the death of us, through letting go, through complete and whole surrender, does the Lord live and move us. "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness" -2 Corin 12:9 I came across this verse a few months back, that has become one of my life verses. It honestly seems to be the biggest lesson and God's desire for the season I'm in. From one of my most favorite books in the bible, Song of Songs, the verse is: "Who is this sweeping in from the desert, leaning on her lover?" -Song of Songs 8:5 Do you understand the beauty behind this verse?! The complete and utter reliance on Him?! As i meditated on this verse a couple months back, I pictured myself as I was: a complete wreck - disheveled, bruised, covered in dirt from head to toe, hair all over the place, tears streaming down my face, holding the pieces of my heart in my hands and limping, LEANING - resting on, DEPENDING on, relying on God's arm around me. Without my lover, without my God leading and supporting me, surely i would've been unable to move from the broken and dark area i was in. This is so what the Lord desires - our reliance on Him! And in this time, this beautiful brokenness, i am learning JUST that.

I dedicate this amazing song to Kristin ;)

"And the water is rising quick,

and for years i was scared of it.

We can't be sure when it will subside,

so i won't leave Your side,

no i can't leave Your side.

Hey now, this is my desire,

consume me like a fire,

cause i just want something beautiful to touch me

i know that i'm in reach,

cause i am down on my knees

waiting for something beautiful"

-Needtobreathe